'Just be'
That was possibly the best piece of advice I was given last year. It came at a time when I was caught in an inner tussle between how I felt, and what I believed I
should be feeling. I would spend hours beating myself up for the fact that I was struggling, and the fact that I shouldn't be etc etc. It did not in fact resolve anything, but it just led to more feelings of frustration, and these led to more frustration with the fact that I was frustrated...
I came to learn that we feel. And that's how we were made. We spend so much time fighting our emotions, and our feelings, that we stop being ourselves. By struggling against the endless tide of emotion, we limit the extent to which we can grow from them-or at least we make it a lot harder for ourselves. What I mean by that is, that we are made in the image of God right, and from what we can see of him in the Bible, is that he felt. He feels. He knows what it is to be angry, to grieve, to weep, to laugh, to love. I think one of the most challenging parts in the gospels for me is when Lazrus dies, and 'Jesus wept'.
The Son of God. He wept.
And I spend my time telling myself that I can't feel what I feel, and that I should be more at peace, more this, more that. In fact, maybe those things are true, but sometimes it's ok to just be sad. It's ok to just feel what you feel. 'Just be' Jesus did it. And from what I remember, it's his image I'm made in...
Yet, at the same time, Jesus didn't stay there all day weeping. He knew he was called to something beyond his emotions, to raise Lazarus from the dead. At what point is it right to move on, at what point is it ok to get up and keep walking?
That is something that I have not found the answer to yet. The only conclusion I have come to, is that God is on our side with this one hehe. Yes, he gave us emotions, but he also gives us the means to deal with them. He always provides an outlet, and he never lets us become utterly overwhelmed. And, though we might feel like we're stuck in what we feel, he never leaves our side. He comforts us, and when we're ready, he picks us up, and carries us. He is a God of hope.
I think, what I'm learning... is to just be.
If I just let myself be me, then maybe I'm a bit closer to letting God be God. I can fight where I'm at as much as I like, but ultimately, that won't change the situation.
I don't really know where I'm going with this one, I think it's an ongoing lesson. All a part of the big lesson I seem to be learning at the moment... To be me, and be me with all my heart. The more I thought about that, and how one goes about being oneself-the more I realised that it's about letting go of the reins, and letting my God guide the way. If he takes me through sorrow, then he'll take me to a place where it's ok to grieve. If he takes me through joy, he'll give me times to laugh and express that joy. In Ecclesiastes it says that God makes everything beautiful in it's time:
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)
It's about his time. Whatever season I'm in, all he's asking me to do, is 'just be'. It's about being me.. being still, and knowing... that HE is God.
