Awakening

I am waking up. Not in the conscious, rising from the depths of sleep sense, but more like an awakening of myself. The last few years have brought with them so many turbulent times, that I have become a bundle of questions, doubts and unanswered questions. In the slow, painful quest for answers, I seem to have lost a sense of peace about God's role in it all. The God I used to trust implicitly suddenly changed, and became unpredictable. Or so I thought. The promises He had made were lost in the breaking. And my identity lost with it.

Until recently.

It's almost like the slow and steady dawn, rising from starless skies, and rays of light exploding across the horizon. I feel like today, for the first time, I saw the sun. A tiny inkling of the excitement faith used to be came to me, and captured my gaze. A small shimmer of light in the dim bleakness of the ordinary. In the light of the Cross of Calvary my doubts are laid bare. In the face of Jesus are all the answers I ever searched for, and more. All of a sudden a glimmer of hope breaks through-life can be what I dreamt it would be.