The Nutcracker

Yesterday I saw The Nutcracker. Our main present this Christmas was a family ticket to see the English National Ballet's performance of Tchaikovsky's The Nutcracker at The London Coliseum (designed by Gerald Scarfe and choreographed by Christopher Hampson). It was absolutely breathtaking.

It follows the story of a young girl called Clara, who receives the gift of a wooden nutcracker doll on Christmas Eve. In a dream in the middle of the night, all the toys, including the nutcracker, come to life and a battle is staged in front of the now giant Christmas tree. Following a stand off between the Nutcracker and the King Mouse, the Nutcracker is wounded. Clara is moved to action and rescues her beloved Nutcracker. He is transformed into a handsome prince, because Clara showed her love for him while he was ugly. They are carried by a paper bird to the Kingdom of Sweets, where the Prince once reigned.

The second act follows the Nutcracker Prince and Clara to the Kingdom of Sweets, where they are greeted by the Sugar Plum Fairy and her prince. They are treated to a series of dances by the inhabitants of the kingdom (some of the sweets had the most incredible costumes!). The final scenes of the ballet see the stunning Pas de Deux between the Sugar Plum Fairy and her prince, and the famous 'Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy'. Her poise and grace was stunning. The ballet ends with Clara and the Nutcracker Prince flying home for morning.

I have to say, it moved me to tears. I can't decide whether it was the dancing, or the music (Tchaikovsky did himself proud on this one...) or the redemptive thread running through the story. The moment where the Nutcracker Prince shows his true identity in response to the unconditional love which Clara shows him, despite his outer appearance, speaks so powerfully of grace. It was just beautiful. There is something so magical about ballet. The translation of meaning into movement is so powerful, and you hardly notice that there is no dialogue. When the curtain came down I felt as though I was rising from a dreamlike state - it was simply mesmorising.

I have to say that this memory will remain with me as one of the best of 2010. I urge you, go and see a ballet. You will not be disappointed.

New Year's Ambitions for the Soul

So, I've been thinking about the coming year, and have decided to come up with (as I do every year) a list of things which I would like to do/ achieve/ change in the next year. I love resolutions, and every month or two I find myself compiling a list of things I aspire to do or be in the near future - there's something incredibly focused and inspiring about it. I love to fix my mind on greater things, and set myself challenges, because in the mundane moments of life, that is what sustains me.

2010 Soul Growing Ambitions

Finish knitting the blanket I started this year. It's a patchwork of sorts, made up of as many different colours and weights of wool as I could find, all autumnal colours. This is something I entertain myself with whilst watching a film or hanging out with housemates, and it's so satisfying to watch it develop!

Build up a portfolio of my art and photography, both of which I do for pleasure, and have no ambitions to use professionally, but still something that I recognise as a skill that needs to be honed. I also find both incredibly good for the soul. Art is somewhere I find God, and this for me has been an amazing comfort and joy in times where words have just not been able to penetrate the heights or depths of my feeling.

Speak and read French. Something which I will always be grateful for, is the fact that my dad chose to speak with us in French when we were small. It was his feeling that he wanted his daughters to grow up with a fluency in the language that he acquired in the years he grew up in France. I have to say it has worked! I love that I understand and speak such a beautiful tongue, but I recently realised that I have to be determined in keeping it!

Read more. This is always on every list I write. I find great inspiration in reading, the challenge of grappling with a text until I have really understood it, and have really appreciated what is being expressed is something I have always loved. My degree in English Literature was one of the best things I have ever done, and I revelled in this being my primary pursuit for three years! No matter how much I read, I always feel that I should read more! A few on my list for this year are A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, Confessions by Augustine, Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell (how we got through a lit. degree without studying any Orwell, I'm not sure!), A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini, Miracles by C.S. Lewis and The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. In addition to this, I'm hoping to discover some new poetry to flood my mind with.

Get an Ordnance Survey map and explore Leicestershire. I'm constantly amazed by what is just around the corner, quite literally, if you'll only look for it. This is my fourth year in Leicester, and now with a car, I have an amazing opportunity to explore it to my heart's content. I also plan on visiting the Peak District and finding some breathing places for inspiration. There is nowhere that I am more sensitive to the presence and voice of the Holy Spirit as when I'm in the countryside. For that reason alone, I am convinced that I need to spend more time exploring it!

Write letters. When I was in sixth form, I had several friends who lived a few hours away, and this began for me a season of letter writing. I can remember the anticipation of knowing that my friend had just received my letter and would no doubt be replying soon. I think that those letters played a very important part in my discovering of who I am and God's call on my life, and were sources of great wisdom. I still remember some of the advice I was given, and how I was encouraged by the sharing of life stories with another. I hope I will always be a letter writer. It is definitely an art.

Explore Camden Town. This year I set myself the challenge of becoming a tourist in our own capital city. This was sparked by a visit to Paris in the spring, where I visited my cousin Rebekah who was studying at L'Alliance Francaise. I love Paris, the architecture, the arts, the street performers, the parks, the history. I was so challenged that for the last few years I have lived within two hours of London and yet have never really immersed myself in its culture. So that is what I have spent some of this year doing. I bought myself a guidebook, and on each visit, I explored a different area of the capital. I have stayed mostly in the City of London, but this year I would like to branch out a little. First on my list is Camden Town.

Cook something new once a week. In our house we share the cooking, and I love this. It means that I have the pleasure of being fed by some pretty amazing cooks, and also, when it is my turn to cook, I find myself much more adventurous when cooking for myself! So, I have decided to capitalise on this, and discover some new recipes!

Go out for lunch alone. A strange one, I know, but over the last year or two, I have developed a taste for my own company. One of my favourite activities for the weekend is to take myself off to a quiet cafe with my notebook, or a the book I am reading at the time, and to 'just be' for a while. I revel in the space for thought, whilst being still amongst other people. I have never managed to pluck up the courage to go out for lunch alone. I am determined to do so this year.

Play my guitar. I love music with a passion, but I have to say, I am not naturally musical! I have taught myself to play guitar, but I need to work on it more. I love it when I play, but more often than not I fill my time with other things, and my guitar is left to entertain itself. The other thing is that I'm not confident when it comes to playing in front of people, my guitar playing is something I tend to keep behind closed doors. I'd love to be more confident though, so this is my challenge for 2010, to lose the fear!

Hand make all my presents. When it comes to birthdays, I love buying presents. There's something so deliciously secretive about choosing a present for someone else. I also love to hand make presents, but never leave myself enough time to do so. This year, my challenge is to hand make every present that I give away.

Explore Leicester's many unique cultures. Living in such a diverse and interesting city, I often feel that I don't really make the most of it. This year I want to immerse myself in a some of Leicester's cultural heritage and learn to understand and appreciate what makes them unique.

Make more of the little moments. Again, this is something I am always challenging myself to do. The pace of life is so fast, that I don't find time to enjoy little moments like brewing tea or watching birds take off, or noticing the cloud formations, or really enjoying what it is that I am doing. I want to learn to live in the moment, but with my eyes heavenward. That is, I want to be able to truly relish the moment that I am living in, whilst being aware of what God is doing, and saying. The last thing I wish to be said of me is that I rushed around, I did too much, and that I didn't really make the most of what it was I was doing.

That's the list, or the beginning of it at least. I think I'd better get started...

I'll keep you posted!

One of Those Formative Years

 

Last Sunday, my housemate Ruth and I got up early, made a pot of fresh coffee and found a quiet corner for a bit of a debrief. I'm fascinated by seasons at the moment, in the natural sense of summer and autumn, within the confines of time, in years and hours, and spiritually. I love that at the end of a season, at the end of a year for example, it's a time to stop in your tracks, look back and finally take in the view of the road you've travelling.

It was definitely one of those moments.

So, over steaming mugs of coffee, while the rest of the house lay sleeping and the world outside was still shrouded in morning frost, we spoke. We spoke of the things that have happened, those we expected, those that took us by surprise, the good, the great, and the downright miserable. We spoke of God, and of the future. Of all the things that were yet to take place, and of the new year awaiting us.

'It's been a great year', said I, without really thinking.

The funny thing is, it has been one of the most challenging years I have ever faced. There have been a couple of spectacularly awful moments. The loss of a dream being one of them, and the loss of  a family member another. The first six months, whilst I was training to teach, were the most exhausting and gruelling months of my life, and by the end of them, I found myself burnt out and having to leave the dream behind. The summer was one of rest and recovery, a little fraught with frustration, but ultimately, filled with the stillness I now see that my soul craved. Then came autumn, with a new house, two new housemates and no job in sight. Unemployment began the next season, and continued only as long as I could bear it, by the grace of God.

With the last of the auburn leaves, on the last day of October, a job finally appeared.

'It's been a good year', I said.

And yes, it has. I have come to a place of contentment in my life that I never thought possible. I don't think that I would have reached it without the first ten months of the year.

It was in that time that I learnt how to fight for what I believed was right. I learnt that failure is not in whether you leave the stage at the end of the act, but in how gracefully you bow as you exit into the wings. I learnt that Leicester is more green than you think, if you only walk and look for it. I learnt that the measure of who I am is not found in the comments left on my lesson plan. I learnt that what we believe beyond shadow of a doubt to be 'God's plan for my life' is not without his rewriting. I learnt that no matter how much you realise it while they are alive, the most inspiring people will always speak the loudest as you say goodbye. I learnt that no matter how hard you try, if God is closing a door, there is nothing you can do about it. I learnt what it is like to get a job as a teacher in a school you love. I learnt what it is to get sick and have to turn it down.  I learnt how to graciously respond to others' sometimes stinging opinions of the way I should/ should not act. I learnt that His are the plans that drive us to throw ourselves into him, because there is no other way.

I learnt that if you give God a time limit, he will stick to it. If you remind him of something he has said, he will see it through. I learnt that God's provision is timeless, more on that later. I learnt to always expect the unexpected, because God will never cease to surprise you. I learnt that cleaning floors at 6am is very humbling, but something that must be done when work is scarce, simply because rent is due. I learnt the joy of being bridesmaid to my oldest friend. I learnt how to create excitement in a world of application forms and waiting for responses that never arrive. I learnt how to make home made baileys. I learnt that love is perhaps not as far away as it seems, but still, more often than not, it is not meant for now. I learnt to feel completely inadequate, again and again, in temp jobs of no consequence. I learnt the satisfaction of being able to go home knowing that the job, however small, has been done well. I learnt the joy of finally, in the last working week of the year, being told that your job is being made permanent. I learnt the simple pleasure of coming home.

It's been one of those formative years. What amazes me, is that it won't be the first ten months that will remain with me as I look back on 2009, but the last two. It'll be the avalanche of things I have learnt. It'll be a deep, unwavering love for the God who was with me through it all.

It'll be a fond reminiscing of 'one of those formative years'.

'It's been a good year', I said. And I meant it.