there is always hope

this might just be my manifesto...

but if a living dance upon dead minds

but if a living dance upon dead minds
why,it is love;but at the earliest spear
of sun perfectly should disappear
moon's utmost magic,or stones speak or one
name control more incredible splendor than
our merely universe, love's also there:
and being here imprisoned,tortured here
love everywhere exploding maims and blinds
(but surely does not forget,perish, sleep
cannot be photographed,measured;disdains
the trivial labelling of punctual brains...
-Who wields a poem huger than the grave?
from only Whom shall time no refuge keep
though all the weird worlds must be opened?
                                           )Love

e.e.cummings 

just blows me away.

i love the sound of the wind rushing through the trees

like the ebb, flow and tumultuous rush of conversation between familiar friends.

the familiar smell of buses

Yesterday I took the caught the bus to work. The smell was incredibly familiar, all of a sudden I was thirteen and on my first day at a new school. How is it possible that every bus smells the same - even hundreds of miles and decades apart, they smell exactly the same.

Nostalgia that hits you between the nostrils.

I have also just about finished my target of reading a book this week. 150 pages to go, and I'm pretty sure that after a soak in the bath and a snuggle on the sofa, my target will have been reached. Next I'll be reading 'The Summer of The Bear' by Bella Pullen, followed by 'The Vision, The Call and The Final Quest' by Rick Joyner. For the latter I've been told I need to take notes...! I've got this habit, you see, of collecting books. Second hand bookshops, charity shops, railway stations, you name it. I love the familiarity of books, a well read book is like a friend. I start reading in the hope that I'll gain some insight that will change me, or open my eyes to a new perspective. I also overestimate the time I have now that I'm working. The two of these work together to give me a very full bookshelf, and a very long reading list. So, I have set myself the challenge of reading at least one book a week, and reviewing it. I'll keep you posted!

Miracle... not just another word for coincidence

'And the hand of our God was upon us, and He delivered us from the hand of the enemy and from ambush along the road.' Ezra 8:31

Feeling slightly anxious in that 'just beneath the service but refusing to admit it' kind of way, I got up, showered and ate my breakfast in the early morning sunlight. I read my Bible, and came across this verse. I knew it was a promise for the day. Assuming this referred to work (the conscious cause of my underlying nerves) I left the house for work. I pulled away, indicated left at the junction and pulled out onto the main road. Only to find that no matter how hard I hit the accelerator, it was not having any impact. I just got slower and slower. Initially thinking it was stuck on my sandal or under the floor mat, but quickly realising it was more serious, I put my hazards on and pulled over, into a conveniently placed layby.

I checked the pedal and it was flat to the floor, floppy in fact. I felt quite shaken up and called Brian, who didn't answer. I then called my Dad and the AA, and was waiting by the side of the road feeling quite wobbly, when Brian drove by. Conveniently, I had broken down on the road he drives down to get to work. He stopped, checked my car, agreed that it was indeed broken, and then had to go to work. I sat down in a patch of sunlight and thought. It suddenly dawned on me that right there, I had been saved from a potentially nasty car accident. Had the accelerator cut out just a little further down the same road, I'd have been on a 50mph road. Not good.

It had also left me feeling pretty powerless, as I'd specifically been driving in early to get ahead with my workload, and to make sure that I had a good day. As I sat on the pavement in the sun, I realised that I had been doing everything that I could to ensure that my day was good... but that was the point - it was what I thought I needed to do. And as much as I thought I was trusting God, I realised I was actually trying to maintain my own level of control, because when my car broke down, so did I. The last thing I felt I needed this morning was to not be in control.

When the AA man arrived, he confirmed that the accelerator cable had snapped, and offered to tow me to my garage. Being 'flat towed' for the first time was pretty scary, I must admit! However, as I was sitting in my car, steering and being towed along by a big yellow AA van, singing along to Soul Survivor 2010, I realised that here was a perfect picture of what it is to trust God. Feeling like I'm in control, but yet, not being in the slightest bit in control. I could steer, but I couldn't crash. When I felt like I was going to go straight into the back of the van, I didn't. When he braked, I stopped, when he turned, I followed. I was perfectly, completely safe, and I could sit there tense, hitting the floor with my right foot because I thought he wasn't braking soon enough, or I could just relax and trust him.

Having dropped my car off at the garage, I walked into town to catch a bus. I needed cash, and having gone ot the Charles St. bus station, figured I needed to go to St. Margarets. Walking through the bus station, 'Time after Time' was playing, 'when you fall I will catch you, I'll be with you, time after time'. It was like God was speaking to me through a loudspeaker after the morning's events! I stopped at the Co-op to get a sandwich, and as I was looking, felt I should go to the Tesco next door. So I did, and then as I walked out of the door, I found myself at a bus stop for the number 158 bus to Nuneaton. The exact bus stop that I needed, but yet I had no idea which bus number I even needed. And the bus stop was nowhere near either of the places I thought I should go to. Yet another coincidence.

Arriving at work, I hurriedly checked my emails, trying to catch up quickly on lost time, flicking past the verses that arrive in my inbox every morning. Today's verses were a string of references to God's protection:

“I am with you to save you.”

Can the prey be taken from the mighty, or the captives of a tyrant be rescued? For thus says the Lord: “Even the captives of the mighty shall be taken, and the prey of the tyrant be rescued, for I will contend with those who contend with you. . . . Then all flesh shall know that I am the Lord your Savior, and your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob.”—Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.—Because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.—The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand.
Jer. 15:20; Isa. 49:24-26; Isa. 41:10; Heb. 4:15; Heb. 2:18; Ps. 37:23, 24

Coincidence??

Okay, so if all of that wasn't enough... this week I am house sitting (and staying with the lovely Steph Smith). Any other week, getting the bus to work would be a nightmare as I'd have to travel right into town and out again. This week however, I live conveniently under 15 minutes walk from the bus route that I need. Coincidence?

I think not.

If I ever needed a reminder that God is living, active and speaking, it was clearly today. And man, did I get one... or a few.