What I Can't Say...

Sometimes my own words just can't cut it.

'Though hot the fight, why quit the field? Why must I either flee or yield?'
Why Should I Fear The Darkest Hour by John Newton.

A classic, a hymn (I'm a big fan of hymnwriters, and reading hymns as poetry - you should check out Olney Hymns by John Newton and William Cowper if you're a fan of this one...) Do you ever question your doubts, or feel frustrated by your own lack of follow in an area of your life? I know I do. So did John Newton, ex slave trader and one of England's greatest hymn writers... I love his honesty, the raw emotion and transparency, whilst clearly battling with his own giants, he clings to the truth and fights it out. Not to feel would be a lie, but to rely only on what he feels would be deception. So a holy war ensues between the two...
Why should I fear the darkest hour,
or tremble at the tempter's power?
Jesus vouchsafes to be my tower.
Though hot the fight, why quit the field?
Why must I either flee or yield?
Since Jesus is my mighty shield?

I know not what may soon betide
or how my wants shall be supplied;
but Jesus knows and will provide.
Though sin would fill me with distress,
the throne of grace I dare address,
for Jesus is my righteousness.

Though faint my prayers and cold my love,
my steadfast hope shall not remove
while Jesus intercedes above.
Against me earth and hell combine;
but on my side is power divine;
Jesus is all and he is mine.

Take your weakness. Take your pain. Take your questions. Take your doubts. Take the most honest version of yourself, and go to Jesus. He will take it all, and make sense from what you cannot. He will answer some questions, and others his presence will dispel. But he will never ignore you. And he'll never leave you inconclusive. The conclusion will always, and forever, be himself. There is no greater answer to the questions of this life. It's an honour to work them out hand in hand with the one who holds both the architects plans and the key to the finished work. Beginning and end, he is, he was, he will be. Take it all. To Him. Then leave it. Once you have Him, you don't need anything else. Guaranteed.

Living Houses

Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of – throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself...

C.S.Lewis